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Archive for the ‘Diary Entries’ Category

SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE. I actually got a birthday gift this year… A month before my birthday.

Strange as that may be, it’s no surprise really – as usual, my mum couldn’t handle the excitement and suspense, and decided on a whim to reveal my present a month early. She didn’t even bother hiding it – the moment she walked through the door she was all “I GOT YOU A GIFT!!1111!”

Anyhow… Moving to the gift itself. This year, for my birthday, I got… *DRUMROLL*

MY OWN CAMERA. *eek*

Before you run away, I apologise for all the girly hyperness and whatnot. It’s just, I’m amazed. It’s not just any old camera; I got my very own DSLR. The thing is sitting on my bed right at this moment, and with it’s sleek black modern form, it looks completely out of place in my bedroom. A black gem in a sea of unwashed clothes and old books. To be honest, I can hardly believe it’s mine. It seems so… strange, to have something so expensive in my possession. Ahh, what can I say? I love my mum to bits.

That aside, I’ve also invested in getting myself a gift this year. Now that I’ve gotten myself a part time job, I figured it was about time I invested a bit of time and money in my appearance, and make an effort to actually look presentable in public. I’m dedicating this entire week to filling my wardrobe with new shirts, trousers, dresses, whatever. Today was day two of my shopping spree, and though it’s really tiring (my legs are in great pain) I quite enjoyed myself. During my search for new clothes, I’ve also discovered that I quite like girlish cosplay-style clothes. I’ve also somehow attained this new fetish for colourful, “kawaii” wigs (as in, curly wigs that are bright pink/blue/strawberry blonde etc). Who would have thought it? I guess my years as a tomboy have finally come to an end. My parents will be happy – I’m finally going to dress like a girl. Then again, I heard from a friend that the “gyaru”, girlish cosplay way of dressing is used by many as a way to rebel against the norms of society. So I suppose the rebel in me hasn’t left yet.

All in all, this is a pathetic post, and you all deserve much more than this. But frankly I’m too excited by my new camera to write anything coherent, so I guess I have no choice but to leave you with this. Sorry guys. I promise once my birthday passes and I get used to my new toys, I’ll write more!

Adios!

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So yesterday was the 1st of July, and I was actually planning to write a blog post… but then I didn’t. Which just reminded me of how I haven’t actually written anything new or interesting recently. Which just reminded me of how I also didn’t write that post I promised I’d write – the one where I explain with apologetically why I haven’t been very active for the past few weeks. Which all contributed to reminding me that I’m still a lazy procrastinator, and being weeks away from my birthday doesn’t exactly change any of that.

Now, I know it’s foolish to believe that I’ll magically grow up once my birthday arrives, but I still quite like the idea of “improving myself” and “changing to be a better person”. I suppose a lot of this thinking was inspired by a relative, who visited me a week ago (she only just left yesterday with her family – part of the reason why I haven’t exactly been very productive on my blog). My relative is a distant cousin, an American citizen in her mid-40’s. We never really got along that well until recently – partly because I only see her once every two years, partly because I wasn’t mature enough to understand her. That aside, this year, somehow we managed to get along better, and a lot of what she said to me has inspired me to take a look at my life and start choosing my own paths etc. I know, I know, it sounds completely cheesy. But this cousin of mine started her own business when she was 23, and though I never noticed it before, I realise I really admire her lifestyle. She’s got her own happy family, her own business, and at middle age she still manages to maintain a good figure and fashion sense. Somehow, it makes me feel kind of useless in comparison.

Don’t get me wrong – this is not a post where I wallow in self pity. No, this is a post where I announce to the world (or at least, that tiny, minuscule portion of the world that actually reads my blog) that things are actually going to be different once my birthday arrives. I’m going to make resolutions (and actually stick with them), I’m going to cut my bad habits (or at least, most of my bad habits), I’m going to turn over a new page, I’m going to become a better person. *dramatic music* Basically I’m embarking on a journey similar to the one Bridget Jones took – one where I keep a diary (in this case, an e-diary) and try to stop being such an awkward freak.

To those of you who actually know me in real life (which reminds me – why on earth are you reading my blog? If you know me, you should stay away. I don’t want my writing to scare you off… Who’ll wait with me in the lunch line?) , you’re probably going to sneer at my bold statements. And I know, I’m terrible at keeping resolutions. I know I’ve said countless times that I’ll change. But this year is different – this time I actually mean it. I plan to really start getting organised, and look after myself. I know it sounds dramatic, but this year, I want to change everything. From my style to my organisation to my outlook on life. It’s like spring cleaning, basically. Out with the old and in with the new.

Being this close to my birthday has really put a lot of things into perspective for me. I keep thinking I’ll become an organised, non-lazy and successful person when I grow up, but I guess that type of thinking needs to die or something, because I need to become that person now. Most of the time, we say things like “someday I’m gonna be rich” or “someday I’ll be successful and happy and live an amazing life”. Well, probably that someday won’t ever come. There’s only today. We’ve got to learn to go from “someday I’ll be satisfied with my life” to “today I’m satisfied with my life”. We have to start living in the moment, get our goals straight and start working towards them, or else they’ll never be fulfilled and we’ll die before our “someday” arrives.

 

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An Arty Day

Hi!

I’m feeling relatively calm, so I’ve decided to write another blog post. (Yay?) For the sake of wasting time and boring you all with tales of my tedious lifestyle, I shall outline what I did throughout the day in as much detail as I can manage.

Today was another one of my arty days. I woke up at 8am (which is uncharacteristically early for me, considering it’s the summer holidays), and headed over to The Exhibition Hall For Arts and Culture (or EHAC for short). The EHAC is basically a beautifully designed building, where different exhibitions with varying themes are held every month. This month’s theme is “space” (space as in our surroundings, not where aliens roam freely), and I spent three hours roaming happily among all the wonderful artworks, occasionally taking a photo of a few that catch my eye. I wish I could share such photos with you. Unfortunately, I lost my card reader, so that will not be possible until I get a new one.

At around noon, I left the exhibition hall and went out for lunch at a Japanese restaurant near the city center. I had a ramen (Japanese noodles in hot soup), a plate of gyoza (Japanese um… Dumplings? Not exactly sure what they’re called.) and a coke (not so Japanese, but I like coke, so whatever). After lunch, I  visited my soon-to-be University’s supply shop for the first time, just to grab some clay/sketching paper I’d run out of. Now, the supply shop is pretty much a small hole in the wall, about the size of my bathroom. To enter, you must pass through a narrow doorway, up an even narrower flight of stairs, and then climb into this literal hole to get into a tiny room full of all the cheapest supplies you’ll ever see in my country. From what I’ve seen so far (and I’ve seen quite a lot – I had to wait in line below that staircase for over half an hour, before there was enough room for me to squish in) it is a place that is forever crowded, and brimming with stuff. When actually in the shop, there is barely enough air to breathe. Imagine you’re in a subway during rush hour, the train is packed, and you only just managed to force yourself into a gap that wasn’t really there. Being in the supply shop is a lot like that feeling, except the walls are lined with shelves full of art supplies – from fake trees to acrylic paint to pencils – and where there are usually railings to grab onto, there are instead more shelves, full of more supplies. There is also a dog (I’m assuming the shopkeeper’s pet) who sits idly in the corner by the card section, calmly watching all of us crazy teenagers as we rummage around, desperate to grab what we came for and leave without drowning in the sea of flailing arms. I managed to grab what I needed, as well as a stray bit of card I didn’t need but wasn’t bothered to go back to return.

Upon leaving the shop, I dropped by the Art Studio (a small studio where I’ve been dropping by from time to time to draw/muck about while listening to classical music for the past year) and spent another three hours there building clay sculptures and sketching them. It was all quite entertaining really – I built a miniature viking, as well as a pig-unicorn hybrid.

And then, I came home, and did absolutely nothing else that can be considered productive.

Adios!

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Today is officially my last day as a high school student, and I feel incredibly old. Not old as in weak and wrinkly, but old as in there’s this huge weight on my shoulders. People often talk about feeling free after graduation, as if that weight on their shoulders has in fact been lifted, and they face nothing but new beginnings and opportunities. I, however, feel the burden of responsibility and the sorrow of parting with my friends, some of whom I’ve known for over 7 years. Maybe it’s because it’s getting late, maybe it’s because of the rain, but somehow the whole idea of graduating and leaving home just brings me down.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also pretty excited. It should be an interesting (and hopefully fun) experience to leave home and learn to live independently. Yet it feels somewhat foreboding, and as excited as I am, there’s also that little feeling of nervous apprehension. All these questions I never thought of before are whizzing around my head like crazy. What if I don’t make friends? What if I lose my old friends? What if I’m not ready to leave home? What if I am? There are so many things I don’t know, so many things I have to find out, and it’s just become too overwhelming.

Of course, I’ll try my best to stay in touch with my friends, yet somehow I know that we won’t be as close as we are now. It’s difficult, after all, to maintain such strong relationships with people, especially if you’re continents apart. I do hope I’ll manage to keep a few really strong bonds, for those were the hardest to form and the ones that’ll hurt me most if they do in fact break. However, things probably will not be the same for any of us; life has to go on, after all. We’ll all make new friends, lead new lives, and this time next year we may have changed completely. Despite this, I am still unwilling to say goodbye. Because it really can’t be goodbye, can it? I’ve known these people for years – why, they’re pretty much family. It seems so impossible that I’ll never get to see them again, that this is the last time we’ll get to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Sure, we may stray apart, but I do not believe for a second that we’ll stop seeing each other completely.

Yet, somehow this whole graduation and last day of school feeling has been like a wake up call of sorts. What used to be a distant future that I could ignore for the time being has become an immediate reality. After today, it has all suddenly become “real” to me. I’ve graduated. I’m going to university. I’m leaving, and  no matter what I try to make myself believe, sometimes goodbye really means goodbye.

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